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Sagebrush Doomsday

Our friends in Wyoming are taking a lot of well-deserved heat over HB85 introduced by State Representative David Miller, R-Riverton, in the Wyoming Legislature. The so-called “Doomsday Bill” bill passed the House on first reading by a voice vote.

AN ACT relating to governmental studies; providing for a task force to study governmental continuity in case of a disruption in federal government operations; providing for a report; providing appropriations; and providing for an effective date.

Now, I lived in Wyoming for eight years so I know they are crazy. Some would even say as crazy as Montana, but this bill is a bit over the top even for Wyoming. It sets up a task force to study what Wyoming should do in the event of the apocalypse. The legislation would appropriate $32,000 dollars to fund the task force to decide how Wyoming should react to the “Potential effects of a situation in which the federal government has no effective power or authority over the people of the United States;”Part of the feasibility study would involve,

Conditions under which the state of Wyoming should implement a draft, raise a standing army, marine corps, navy and air force and acquire strike aircraft and an aircraft carrier.

I know, I know, that sounded pretty crazy to me to, even for Wyoming, so I went directly to the bill on the Wyoming Legislature website. Yep, it’s in there, “acquire strike aircraft and an aircraft carrier“. No mention of plans to increase the size of Boysen Reservoir. Thankfully, the crack team of mathematicians over at Under The Mountain Bunker has crunched the complicated numbers to find that Wyoming would have,

182,000 men between the ages of 18-65 for the draft and ‘standing army.’ And that would be to defend, WHAT, exactly? All the valuable sagebrush and asphalt and dirt? The endlessly blowing wind? The antelope? WITH AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER?

It’s certainly comforting to know that our neighbors to the south are doing all the heavy lifting in order to provide, at least those of us in southern Montana, a place of refuge from the almost certain, coming zombie apocalypse. Maybe they will even give us a ride on the aircraft carrier. It’s also nice to know that the Montana Legislature isn’t the only last, best place for crackpot conventions. I can’t wait to read the committee task force report.

Thanks to Michael Shay down at Hummingbirdminds for keeping us apprised of the fun stuff going on in this Wyoming legislative session.

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6 Responses

  1. You know, it’s a good thing these guys don’t have a sense of humor or we’d really be in trouble.

    I think you’re missing the point on the aircraft carrier, when the shit hit’s the fan everyone in Wyoming is going to move into the thing, including the livestock . It’s an ark!

    They are going to hunt the remaining wolves and whatever else that’s left with the strike aircraft.

    • I was kinda hoping that they since the carrier is there anyway they would use some of the missiles on the lake trout in Yellowstone Lake.

    • There’s going to be an uproar when they have to choose the two wolves to go on the ark.

  2. Did they go into detail on the all-important numbers of nuclear warheads needed for the strike fighters?

    I mean, you’re never truly safe until you’ve got nukes.

    • Nukes! Jeez, I didn’t consider nukes! With all the uranium in Wyoming, I’m sure that must be part of the ultimate plan. But, that would mean that we would have to send the Montana Navy, supplemented by Idaho Marines, up the Madison River to blockade Yellowstone Park. We would demand the removal of all missiles from our southern border. Wyoming would claim the missiles were purely defensive. There could be a West Thumb crisis. Nebraska would almost certainly retaliate. Canada could become involved. My Gawd! Stop the madness before it spirals out of control!

  3. […] hard not to love this story at the Button Valley Bugle about the efforts of the good legislators in Wyoming to protect the […]

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