Congressman Dennis Rehberg has been taking it from all sides on his bill to give federal agents from Homeland Security and the Border Patrol free reign over our public lands. What could be the reason?
The proposal would let the Border Patrol circumvent dozens of environmental laws from the Clean Water Act to the Endangered Species Act in areas those laws were created for: the nation’s most-protected wilderness areas that fall within the 100-mile border zone with both Mexico and Canada.
Oh, yeah. Well surely they would never use the new powers to actually build roads, ditches and guard towers in our National Parks and wilderness areas…
[Border Patrol spokesman James] Frackleton said that designated wilderness areas that prevent motorized access are a frustration for border agents, and pointed out his agency views access differently than the Forest Service or Park Service.
I can certainly understand their frustration with having to walk or ride horses through some of the most spectacular wild country in the U.S. Why don’t we just let them use ATVs in Glacier Park? They would be careful on their snowmobiles in the North Cascades. How much harm could they do on Mt. Ranier with a bulldozer anyway?
Luckily, Denny has come up with an amendment that will solve the entire problem of runaway federal agents. Now the bill will give the county sheriff dominion over the Border Patrol. Now instead of the Border Patrol having to go through all that red tape from state and federal land managers, they can just stop by the sheriff’s office and get a hall pass. Everybody knows that the county sheriff is the most upright and righteous citizen in the county anyway. There ain’t never been a crooked county sheriff. Nobody could buffalo the sheriff for Chrisakes.
But, I’d like to go one step further. Instead of federal agents having to mess with the sheriff or all those closed-minded, environmental whacko, feds. Why don’t we just let the county sheriff patrol the border? Think about it. Look how well the sheriff protected us from evil terrorists in the past. After all, did you ever see Butch Cassidy or Jesse James in this county? Of course not and that’s because they knew we had a county sheriff who wouldn’t stand for that kind of crap. The bonus would be that there would be no road building, black helicopters or noisy, smelly ATVs in our wilderness. Everybody knows that the sheriff and his posse ride horses and they all carry Winchesters. Just think of all the money we would save. The sheriff just heads out to Main Street and tells everybody to mount up for Terror Patrol. No sweeping federal land grab. No need for all those taxpayer funded Border Patrol agents with their fancy automatic weapons and Predator drones. It’s an all volunteer effort. I bet the sheriff would even invite Denny, if he ain’t too pie-eyed to sit a horse.
Shitfire boys, saddle up, lock ‘n load! We’re burning daylight. YeeHah!