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Homegrown Montana Crazy

I guess I really should be embarrassed when the Montana GOP makes the entire state look like a bunch of intolerant xenophobes but, you know, it just happens so often that I have become pretty much accustomed to it. The AP headline read; Montana GOP Policy: Make Homosexuality Illegal. The headline and story spread like a Glendive prairie fire to outlets as diverse as the Huffington Post, Salon, The Sacramento Bee, Knoxville, TN News, and even overseas to places like South Africa. Yeah, those screwy Montanans, always good for a laugh.

I just want to let the world know that when Montana Republicans say that “We support the clear will of the people of Montana expressed by legislation to keep homosexual acts illegal.” they don’t speak for me and they don’t speak for the majority of intelligent people who reside in the Treasure State. While the Big Sky Tea Party Association mostly agrees with their leaders that “…fruits are decorative. Hang up where they can be seen and appreciated. Call Wyoming for display instructions.“, they aren’t speaking for Montana. These are a few crazy people who happen to live in Montana, they are not Montanans. We don’t want to withdraw from the United Nations. We don’t really think that children should mostly use terms like “wee-wee” or “Willy” or “poop-hole” rather than be taught correct terminology for their own bodies. These are crazy people who just happen to live in Montana. After all we recently repealed the law making it illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperon, and the one saying that it’s considered a war party or raiding party if seven or more indians travel together therefore making it legal to shoot them, so we aren’t entirely unfeeling.

Sure, we’ve got stupid people in Montana, but admit it, other states do too. Our problem is that Montana is such a nice place to live that we draw people and that includes idiots. The 2008 candidate for president of the Constitution Party, Chuck Baldwin, recently announced that he and his family are moving to Montana because, “Montana is going to be the tip of the spear in the freedom fight; and we believe God wants us to be part of that fight.” If Chuckie moves to Montana, I hope he gets the “tip of the spear” up his poop-hole. He’s an idiot, not to mention a bigot and homophobe who got 0.15% of the presidential vote and Montana doesn’t need more idiots. In Montana we are perfectly capable of growing our own.

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