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Caffeine Crisis

Now it’s getting serious. I mean, everybody knows that climate change has serious implications for life on this planet. Well okay, everybody except coal companies and a few crackpot deniers, but it has now become obvious that we must take immediate action. Climate change is affecting the coffee harvest! NPR reports that at the recent World Coffee Conference in Guatemala, growers were discussing how a warming planet affects growing conditions and what can be done.

The plants that produce coffee beans are notoriously sensitive, and small changes in temperature and precipitation can have big impacts on coffee quality and quantity. It may cause connoisseurs to cringe, but a warmer climate will encourage more coffee farmers to plant the heartier robusta varieties, which are caffeine-rich but bitter, instead of the mild, tasty Arabica coffees that Americans prefer.

Robusta beans? Pulease, I don’t want to denigrate coffee growers, but I don’t see how they can even be discussing downgrading my java experience. Arabica is real coffee. Robusta is just a cheap coffee substitute. Folgers uses Robusta beans! Yeecchh! This is not a fit subject for civil discourse.

And this isn’t just a pleasure issue. This directly affects world health.  Scientists report recently that: “Roasting coffee beans doesn’t just impart bold, rich flavor. It also creates a compound that helps dial down production of stomach acid, according to research presented on March 21 at the spring meeting of the American Chemical Society.” Yes, that’s right, they reported that at a cup-a-day habit, coffee “imparts health benefits such as decreased risk of obesity, Alzheimer’s and colon cancer.” I figure that at that rate, I should be healthy for about the next 250 years. Coffee is life, sustenance. If climate-change deniers begin to come between me and my daily joe, “there will be blood“.

Climate change is real. Climate change is happening. Every serious scientific organization on the planet will tell you the same thing. A new report by NASA debunks, once again, the claim by idiot deniers that the climate has been cooling. Liar, liar… You have to be pretty crafty in how you present the data to even suggest that there has been a recent cooling trend. In the new study, NASA scientists show that there has been no cooling trend whatsoever and the planet continues to warm at about 0.3 degrees F per year.

The NASA analysis refutes a study by well-respected atmospheric scientist Susan Solomon and her colleagues at the National Center for Atmospheric Research. That study claimed that the trend in global surface temperatures “has been nearly flat since the 1990s” — a contention the NASA scientists say is refuted by the latest data.

Believe what you want to believe in the privacy of your own home, but come between me and my morning brew and you risk serious bodily harm. Get on the bandwagon now deniers. We must save the poor, defenseless little coffee beans. As one of the coffee growers said ,”You can move up the mountainside as it gets warmer, but you actually run out of space, because mountains have this unfortunate property of being pointed.” Save the beans! Stop Global Warming!


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