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Position Clarification

As part of our continuing coverage of the health care debate, the Bugle was able to sit down with an influential conservative lawmaker and obtain his candid observations on health care reform, maybe the most important current political issue.

Bugle: Senator, thank you for agreeing to this interview. Republicans have complained that their views are not being taken seriously in this debate. We at the Bugle would like to change that. First off, our readers would like to get your opinion on the practice of allowing insurance companies to drop coverage for people who get sick after they have paid premiums and played by all the rules.

Senator:Thank you for allowing us to be part of the discussion. I would just like to say that the Republican position on this issue has always been very strong and clear. We have said from the very beginning… Umm… Uhh… DEATH PANELS!

Bugle: I see. Well Senator, we all know that health insurance premiums have more than doubled in the last ten years and will do so again in the future if we do nothing. What plans does your party have to lessen this crushing burden on the American people?

Senator:Well, of course you know, our party has an immediate solution for the problem of soaring costs. Republicans have often been misquoted on this position. We have clearly said we would like to see… err… mmm… KENYA!

Bugle: Okay, fine, Senator. What is your feeling about health insurance companies refusing to accept people with what the companies define as pre-existing conditions?

Senator:Oh, very good question. The Republican party has been at the forefront on this serious issue all along. In our plan we state that we would like to see… accckkkk… eeewww… BROWN PEOPLE!

Bugle: Yes, well sir I think we are beginning to get a sense of your party’s stance on health reform. If I could just get your opinion on one final important issue?

Senator: “…NNNNO!, LIAR!, NAZI!, HITLER!, MUSLIM!, SOCIALISM!, OBAMACARE!, GRANDMAAAAAAA…

Bugle: Thank you Senator for agreeing to become part of this historic health care debate. I’m sure our readers appreciate your time.

Asshole: “No, No. Thank You. No. No. NO.”

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