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Spirits of the Spirit

No word yet on the “Blood of Christ” bill in the Legislature (LC2182). It seems that Montana Church Supply in Great Falls has been supplying local churches with their religious toddies illegally for years since they don’t have a liquor license. Now their supply has dried up. Sacramental wine (surprise) is regulated under the Montana liquor laws. Well, that didn’t go down very well with the devout. The guys with the backwards collars don’t want to be embarrassed by showing up at the State Liquor Store on Saturday night with a case of Boones Farm under their arm. So they want to change the law. But then, I’ve been to the State Liquor Store and believe me, if not for all the good Christians popping in on Saturday night, they would have gone out of business years ago.

Seems to me the faithful could just take water to Communion and change it into wine when they get there. Ain’t that what this religion thing is all about? Lots of churches use grape juice, but that’s not good enough for Real Montana Sinners. They need that stout 18% alcohol, blessed by the Bishop stuff. So, we’ll just make a tiny change in the liquor laws. Mitch Tropila (D) of Great Falls has juiced up a bill that is currently not introduced and is being rewritten, to change the way beer and wine licenses are apportioned. The new law will allow a beer and wine license to “establishments that sell table wine to religious organizations for sacramental or other religious purposes.” alongside any “bona fide grocery store or drugstore…”. Of course, the way the bill is written, they can also peddle a little Moose Drool on the side, if the spirit so moves them.kgbv

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m all for religious zealots getting their hooch by any means available to them. I just don’t think the bill goes far enough. For the first time, the bill says, “Establishments selling table wine for religious purposes may deliver directly to the religious organization’s premises.” Yahoo, home delivery! Incontestably this exemption should apply to any and all forms of firewater, not just wine. You see, I am a member of an obscure Turkish religious sect and we believe that the blood of our prophet Jackus Danielicus tastes just like Wild Turkey. After all, if we are going to change the law based on religion affiliation, how ’bout me?

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